Kink sex checklists
Maybe you would say “yes” to being tied up and golden showers, “no” to pegging, “maybe” to wax play, and so on. For example, on the list could be: being tied up, pegging, golden showers, and wax play. Pro dominatrix and kink educator Mistress Shayla Lange, owner of NYC’s largest woman-owned dungeon, defines a YNM list as “a list of kinks or fetishes that somebody brings to the table”-whether they’ve tried them before, read about them online, saw them in a movie, whatever. So, what is a yes/no/maybe list, and what is it not? Unless, of course, what you really want is to swallow it. No matter your relationship status, a YNM list is an accessible resource that can illuminate information about your sexual desires in new ways-and help you ask for what you really want, instead of just swallowing it. A YNM list can help you identify not only which sex acts you want to explore, she says, but more importantly, which emotional experiences you want to have during sex-something she addresses in The Yes, No, Maybe Workbook, a resource she created to help folks find more nuance in their own lists.īut whether it’s a workbook, a spreadsheet, or scribbles in a drugstore notebook, sex educator Lola Jean, headmistress of the 7 Days of Domination school, says the concept of the YNM list provides you and your partners a foundation to build upon in whatever way suits you best. While traditional yes/no/maybe (YNM) lists are pretty straightforward (think spreadsheet style, with three columns and a simple roster of activities), Kali recognizes this format is limited. “If you’re nervous about saying to someone, ‘I want to put my feet in your mouth,’ or ‘ I want to peg you,’ can create a psychological buffer where nos become less intensive and yeses become a jumping-off point instead of a complete sentence,” kink coach Princess Kali, founder of, says. Whether it’s due to fear of rejection, what your partner might think, or sounding unsexy, it’s times like these when you could benefit from a yes/no/maybe sex list: a tool used by kinksters and BDSM practitioners for decades to establish ground rules and spark conversations around sexual needs. That’s why sometimes in the throes of passion with a partner-y’know, those times when there are things you really want to say or try-you might feel like you can’t. In a hellish world, finding joy where you can-like feeling fanny flutters from looking into someone’s belly button-is a privilege worth celebrating.If you received sex education at any point in your schooling, chances are you weren’t exactly taught to verbalize your sexual desires, especially if all you learned was Mean Girls style, “Don’t have sex, ’cause you will get pregnant and die.” A culture that conflates abstinence with sex education is one that stifles sexual expression, not one that gives you the space to practice saying “ Spank me, mommy!” or “Treat me like a filthy cum dumpster!”
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And being able to be turned on by a typically unsexual entity or exploit is bloody fab. What an admittedly incomplete list like this boils down to is that almost everyone has some sexual proclivity for an act or object that isn’t inherently sexual. The world of kink is as wild and varied as an encyclopedia-and there’s undoubtedly some queen out there with an actual encyclopedia kink, too. Whichever way you go about it, I’m sure there’s a comforting feeling to be found in giving up control and autonomy to a loved one to chase tennis balls about instead. As with all the kinks on this list, pup play can range from really casual-wearing a collar occasionally-to extremes of living 24/7 as a doggy, even sleeping in a cage next to your master’s bed. From sniffing crotches to eating out of a bowl, get ready to crawl about on all fours if you want to give this one a go.
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Especially popular among gay men, puppy play involves a special kind of submission where you are treated and expected to act like a pet dog.
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Anyone who’s witnessed a pride parade can recognize pup play from the elaborate masks involved.